Working out is a hobby of mine. I like to mix in the occasional pick-up hoops game, or perhaps some racquetball. I love the facilities at my gym, and for the most part everyone there is good people. However, the locker room is a different world that, after years of exposure, I have yet to acclimatize.
I am not a “never-nude” like Tobias Funke, but I always wear a towel in the midst of nude males. It is a good rule. Feel free to adopt it.
My problem lies with the men who insist on exceeding their time for acceptable nudity in the locker room. There are many things you can do with a towel on: Brush your teeth, comb your hair, shave, and put on deodorant. Nudity is not a requirement, so slap on a towel.
As annoying as these guys are, I can deal with them. I will not make eye contact in the locker room with anyone whose first name is not known by me (feel free to adopt this rule as well). Even if the first name is known, any conversation has to have a towel involved.
The locker room guys who I cannot deal with are the old dudes who blow-dry their balls. Seriously. For like 5 minutes. I am in my mid-20s, and at no point have I ever considered this technique. A towel has always done me right. Is there something that happens genetically at the age of 40 that provides your taint with rice patty-like moisture that even the finest Egyptian cotton cannot quench? Are the colon/prostate check ups required by adult males actually annual commercial-grade grundle cleanings by a medical professional? I can unequivocally express that I am not looking forward to the day my nether regions require a daily ritual of heated air to keep my underwear comfortably dry.
The positions that these men put their bodies in to accomplish this feat are impressive, but ever so disturbing, and need to be done in the privacy of one’s home.
Oh ya, one last thing…children should be required to wear at least a bathing suit at all times when in a locker room setting.
This is not ‘Nam, there are rules…or at least there should be.
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6 comments:
Naked Old Guy is a staple of our gym's locker room too, and we catch him dehydrating his saggy beanbag from time-to-time. Get this, at our gym--the blow driers are built into the wall, and communal.
Wolfram, you took the words right out of my mouth...apparently the blow-dried-bean-bag trick is common from here in the southern region, no pun intended, to the west coast...any one out in the east coast want to fess up to witnessing the con-air to the nudie-nudes?
and since both the position at which old men think they need to apply said hot air and the use of communal blow dryers is also the standard at my gym (aka The Jew House)...ill have to give a shout out to all the old me who feel the need to put one foot on the sink counter while drying off his twig-n-berries, i guess they like the stretch in the hammys they get while drying off...i dunno.
good god. i didn't know men did that.
and also, try watching a naked woman with grayish pubes put a tampon in. that's so much worse, i can't even explain.
I am strangely arroused by the thought of middle-aged women stuffing tampons past their graying bush into their vaginas. Please, take picture next time. I want to see, I want to see.
I think people get fatter as they get older, and the tighter pants - why buys new pants after 40? - tend to constrict and to allow them to dry, they use a blowdryer. Just keep your eyes up above the border and you'll do fine, Young Kite.
i think wolfram held his own in his first post. nicely done
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