Drinking Alone - Lager

Alcohol related advice so good, that if you take heed, you won't need anyone else around to enjoy the experience... You can even be alone in your parents house, where you are "temporarily" living, while you "save money".

Time again for everyone's favorite weekly column. Two weeks ago we brought you our ale recommendation with a promise to follow it up with our favorite lager, but alas we forgot. Honestly, and in the spirit of the column, we were probably drunk. So without any further ado, we bring to you our recommendation for lager.

First of all, lager, or "Weasel Piss" as it's known to those in-the-know, is not meant to be enjoyed, it's meant to be consumed, and by consumed we mean a four-pint minimum. If you drink one or two lagers to unwind after a rough day, it's time to graduate from the bush leagues and drink an ale. But if it's been a rough day and you're looking to erase it from your memory/pass out/fight someone/wear a lamp shade/make-out with your friend's girl/make-out with your friend/drunk-dial your boss/fight your boss/miss work tomorrow/throw-up during tomorrow's coffee break/expose yourself to strangers/get arrested, then it's time for lager.

But all that doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy the ride. Just because you're not going to be able to tell the difference between a doorknob and a tit within a few hours doesn't give you license to start drinking High Life. Over the years we have found that we most enjoy lagers from green bottles. Heineken, Stella Artois and Dos XX are three of the most popular from this category, and we thoroughly enjoy each, but our favorite is easily Peroni. It's by far the best thing Italy has done since the Renaissance--it's great. The tenth one of the night goes down as smoothly as the first.

Props to our only friend from the Initech days, B-Ware, for teaching us about Peroni. He was given the impossible task of training us in the ways of "The Man". Oh the stories we have from that place...