Public Enemy Number Three

Labeling people, then making rash generalizations about the group which we assign them to, has long been a pastime of ours. The general pattern is to observe, tag, then grow a steady dislike, or at least a strong annoyance. In our heads they then become the enemy.

In elementary school it was the booger-pickers, in middle school-- white people (thanks Dr. Dre), in high school we began diversifying to BQ's, the cross-country team, and the legions of dudes who rocked the Dr. Marten boots+polo shirt+"Cocks" hat. (Light bulb moment, we just got an idea for an epic posting...our chef-d'oeuvre, if you will.) In college we pretty much focused our antipathy and irritation towards Frat Guy, and he has pretty much morphed into our two major nemeses of today--Softball Guy and Team Hair Gel.

Lately we've been observing a new Guy, a Guy who frankly, sneaked up on us. We've never noticed him before, because instead of calling for help when our computer is busted at work, we just take a nap, and when we've been out-and-about, he was probably playing a video game where his "character" got to do all kinds of cool things, like: talk to girls, comb his hair, stand-up straight, wear shirts that don't have dragons on them, etc. But fate has brought us together recently. Thrice in the last week, while dining over the lunch hour, we've been seated right next to a table of IT dudes. Because we adhere to a strict, table-for-one policy during lunch, we were able to listen in to every word of the three conversations, and they were each exactly the same.

The topics range from girls they want to bang, both virtual and from the HR office, video games, C++, and their mutual malice for both the sun and physical movement. There is always a tiny minority, either Indian of Chinese, who doesn't say much but smiles and laughs throughout. There is then a gangly white guy with a disproportionately large head equipped with even bigger glasses. Then there is the outspoken minority, often Arabic, who talks too loud but still in a supporting role. A supporting role to the Grand Poobah of the table, Cocky Computer Science Guy. He is revolting. Where once was probably a decent, yet nerdy, dude, there is now a monster. He is generally white and pasty, has lob-sided hair, and his frame cannot support the extra 20 he's carrying thanks to a steady diet of late-night fast food and beer, from the parties he's now throwing, thanks to his status.

But our dislike for this Guy really has little to do with his appearance and everything with his arrogance. Cocky Computer Science Guy, can't stop talking about how awesome he is and his minions seem to hang on every word. And those words are surprisingly crass. We are no nuns with our language, but Cocky Computer Science Guy lets "fucks, shits, cunts and tits" fly with volume and in the presence of families. When asked to, "please keep it down," or when told that, "there are children present." He doesn't care, why should he, he's got the highest World of Warcraft score of all his friends.

So we are adding Cocky Computer Science Guy to the list of things we hate, and putting him up there with Team Hair Gel and Softball Guy, in our list of antagonists.