Casual Connection

When we are looking to occupy our idle minds and steal money from The Man, and are faced with an Internet blocker, we often turn our attention to .org's. This of course means that it's time to spend some time with two of the top-ten inventions of all-time (we should do a post on this soon), Wikipedia and Craig's List. From Wikipedia today, we read up on Zoroastrianism and one of our heroes, Atticus Finch, and learned what Bildungsroman Literature is. On Craig's List we shopped for concert tickets, read about a midget gang-bang, and were inspired to write our very own personal advertisement.

Not having had sex in like 48 hours, we're getting pretty desperate, so today we decided to turn to Craig's List. Our advertisement is pretty specific, we have very narrow tastes, and so we weren't expecting much of a response, but surprisingly our mailbox is overflowing with young vixens wanting to go on a date with, "the next Hemingway...Thoreau...Flynt." We're a bit overwhelmed by the positive responses we've gotten, so we feel it our duty to share our little ad with you, the readers, in-case you ever feel like doing something similar and need a guide.

Free Pearl Necklace for Some Lucky (must be hot) Lady - 27 ATX

Good afternoon good women of the Central Texas Hill Country. We are horny and need to get our dicks wet. We are reasonably attractive (6'1", 175, white, sandy brown hair, one green eye, one blue eye, physically fit, and currently shorn in our nether regions -- the razor burn has almost cleared). Hopefully you have taken that Gardasil shit (cheers! Governor Perry...for once you Republican cunt) because, with our rap sheet we're certainly carrying HPV, so hold onto your cervixes!!!

We're not really the relationship type, looking for Mrs. Right, or even Miss Right Now, shit girls we're at work, but we are looking for Miss Tonight, and depending on how attractive you are, maybe a few subsequent nights thereafter. Hell, if you're a stunner, and we don't feel the urge to swallow our heads when you speak, you might even get some Bennigan's at some point out of this whole thing.

If intellect is important in whoever is sticking you, just know that we've been a lot smarter than any boss we've ever had.

You should be Asian, white, Asian, Latina, Asian, black, or Asian. Speaking English is optional. Cute hair is a must. Some curve is nice but please be skinny enough to where we can see some ribs when you're on your back. Women who hate their fathers, and those who have had any kind of eating disorder, are strongly encouraged to apply.

Since we've provided a picture, you must do the same (and give measurements) in your email responses.

Oh, and if you're not white, you must be able to host...mom and dad are quite racist and won't let you come over.