Mustache Moments

We're going to start a new column tonight, Mustache Moments, it probably won't be regular but it'll pop-up from time-to-time. So what is a mustache moment exactly? Well to truly understand it, you'll need to know what a Dirtbag is, or what it means to get dirtbagged.

A Dirtbag is one who acts outside of cultural norms, not giving a shit, worrying about no one but themselves, and generally participates in activities deemed unsavory or creepy by the general public. To get dirtbagged, is to have one of these unsavory or awesome, depending on your point of view, deeds done to you. The ultimate in dirtbaggery of course being, the wearing of a mustache. Because honestly there is no good reason for wearing a mustache in the year of our Lord 2008, other than to draw attention to yourself for all the wrong reasons.

So tonight we made our weekly Wednesday night pilgrimage to the corner store (in honor of Drinking Alone) to purchase a tasty beverage or two, and prior to entering said store, we were approached by a handful of young toughs. Now these young ruffians weren't upstanding young men like our favorite teen aged reader, a Mr. Nate T (how's that for a shoutout, punk), so we immediately reached for our wallets and let out a girly screech, but soon our fears were squelched when their leader, a Keifer Sutherland from Lost Boys look-a-like, handed us $20 and gave us the look. As hard as these little bastards looked, we could've easily denied their request and been on our marry way, but the mustache in us started to grow (kind of like in cartoons when the little devil appears on the left shoulder of the protagonist offering usually the better advice) and visions of a teen aged us, drunk off our asses, began to foment in our conscience minds.

So yes we bought some kids beer, kids who probably couldn't even drive yet, and we even pitched in two bottles of Booner on our own nickel for the sake of posterity. Yeah they looked at us like faggots for the gift of Strawberry Hill, but we know that they'll thank us tomorrow morning...tomorrow morning when they have the old, raging sugar-induced Boone's Farm headaches, but a pretty young thing next to them.