No One is Safe!!!

At a suburban software company in Central Texas, a storm is raging out of control. A storm unlike anything we've ever witnessed before. Hurricane Ike you ask, No!

SalesSlapDick 1 and SalesSlapDick 2 have discovered a new energy drink, and with it's aid are wreaking havoc on the office and destroying everything in their wake. THE HORROR!!!

Their standard power source of choice, Monster, has released a new line called Java Monster, and from a distance it appears to be an amalgam of the chaos-in-a-can that is regular Monster and coffee. Empty cans, showing signs of key holes, have been laid-to-waste all across the intricate patterned office carpet, and it appears that SSD1 and SSD2 have been shot-gunning them .

With the pure excitement of their two favorite things being combined, mixed with the massive amounts of caffeine and crack-cocaine in each over-sized can, there's a good chance that at any moment their hearts will explode from their chests, but until then everyone is being forced to take cover. Thank heavens we have a laptop and can write this from underneath our desks.

Five minutes ago, SSD1, (the one who anytime he says anything to us, we yell, "Tough-actin-Tenactin!" because his voice sounds just like John Madden…he doesn't seem to like this) smashed a picture of his poor children and then slammed his head through his office wall. On the other side, poor Juanita was vacuuming the neighboring office and dropped dead when SSD1's head came crashing through and he screamed something at her. It ironically sounded something like, "Boom, Tough-actin-Tenactin!!!" (It's clinically proven...Use only as directed.)

Two minutes ago, SSD2, (the one with the ridiculous fourth grader haircut) finished of his latest can…and then ate the can!!!

Now they're on a tag team sales call, pacing furiously and screaming into the air at what looks like no one in particular (gotta love those Blue Tooth headsets). It appears they've both pissed their pleated pants but have yet to realize it thanks to the sensory overload brought on by all the Monster Java. One of them just mentioned Newark. Lord help those poor bastards up in Jersey…if they don't buy, the SalesSlapDicks are liable to refuel and sprint all the way to the Garden State to beat the shit out of them.