Test Anxiety

The NLNC is sitting at desks in a large room staring at monitors. The computer screens have a math problem on them. Sweat is dripping from the NLNC's foreheads. The question has something to do with factory machines making widgets, a train going 45 mph, a jar of yellow marbles, and another train going 50 mph. The NLNC's hearts are now pounding at a rate of 8,000 beats per minute. At this rate what is the greatest possible outcome?

A. They're unable to finish the question after the keyboard malfunctions following their vomiting fit.

B. They're unable to finish the question after their hearts beat through their chests and they die.

C. They're unable to finish the question after they say, "Fuck it!!" Then proceed to run roughshod through the ETS Testing facility leaving computers dismantled and tiny Asian kids screaming with fear.

D. They take a deep breath, remember that rate=distance * time, but forget to convert minutes to hours, and get the question wrong.

We talk a lot on this here blog about our arch enemy being Team Hair Gel, but really for much longer our worst enemy has been math. We were bad ass at arithmetic and were consistently one of the top mathematicians in elementary school but that day in middle school, when algebra was introduced...well the hamsters in our domes done checked out. When we were first taught about variables it went a lot like when The Simpsons went into the witness protection program and became The Thompsons.

Math Teacher: Now when I say 2+x=5, you say x=3, OK?
NLNC: Check
Mather Teacher: So if 2+x=5, what does x equal?
NLNC: Dude, that's a letter.
(Math teacher gives up.)

We took the GRE (it's an entrance exam for graduate school) this morning and we're a bit disappointed. We scored in the 85% of all GRE takers on the verbal section (this despite running out of time and automatically losing three question), but being the wordsmiths that we are, we kind of expected a strong verbal score. The problem was on the quantitative section.

We know we suck at math, we've always sucked at math, so for the last three months we've been studying. We bought books, went to a class, got help from our friends, dads and even our sisters boyfriends, ughhh, and were feeling pretty confident. Our confidence jumped out the window as soon as the first question popped onto the screen...it was a disaster.