Sales Tales

It is no secret that we detest the sales team at our office. Their arsenal of pleated-front khakis, golf shirts (for some ridiculous reason often buttoned to the top), hair gel, and large Ford trucks makes us cringe. They speak too loudly, chug 16oz energy drinks all day, refer to everyone that passes them as Bro (fucking Taco Shack), Chief or Boss, and start at least half their sentences by saying, "So what you're telling me is..." then just repeating whatever it was they just heard. It probably doesn't help things that each time any of them say anything to us, we give them our patented, lip-curled brow-raised, "fuck you" look, and that their nickname for us is "Murse." Apparently this is because the word Man starts with M and they think our llama backpack is a purse.

So, the other day, caught up in Olympic fervor, two salesslapdicks were right outside our janitor clo-errrr office, and they were discussing synchronized diving. While not exactly word-for-word, this dialogue is not fabricated.

Emerging from their international sales call with new client, Soluciones Bolivar, two Planview Software salesman begin talking as they reach the hallway. In a nearby office The NLNC is furiously typing--their monitors look to be showing some sort of blog.

Salesdick 1: Dude, did you catch that diving shit last night? The wife made me watch it.
Salesdick 2: You talking about the one with all the Chinese dudes?
Salesdick 1: Yeah, the Chinese dudes won but there were some Koreans and Japanese too.
Salesdick 2: Whatever, they're all Chinese to me. (laughter)
Salesdick 1: (laughter)
Salesdick 2: Is it me or did those little bastards kinda look like chicks?
Salesdick 1: Yeah, 13-year-old topless chicks. (laughter)
Salesdick 2: (laughter)
Salesdick 2: Yeah, so does it make me queer that I thought they were hot. (laughter)
Salesdick 1: (laughter, then an extended pause to recover from the comic genius)
Salesdick 2: Did you see that email that the Soluciones Bolivar guys sent over during the meeting?
Salesdick 1: Yeah it's cool that they play sports at their company picnic.
Salesdick 2: Do you think they were joking, or do they really not know how to spell football?

What really sucks, is these asshats rake in six figures.