Public Enemy Number Four

A few months ago, when our blog here was but a young pup, we outlined our dislike for Cocky Computer Science Guy. He came in a close third in Guys we feel malice towards following Team Hair Gel and Softball Guy. (By the way Softball Guy currently sells software down the hallway from us at work, Red Bull bitches!!!) In case you missed it: http://thenolooknocatch.blogspot.com/2008/06/public-enemy-number-three.html, well we have recently discovered a new Guy, his name is Guy Who Likes to Sing Karaoke. Due to time constraints will call him Karaoke Guy.

Saturday night, after teaching SpArielle to tuck-n-roll and then kicking her to the curb, following the date from hell. We decided to go to a bar because it was still two hours till closing...she of-course had a curfew. Now the Canary Roost is a bar across the main thoroughfare from Mom's house, but we had never taken the plunge and gone in. It always seemed like the kind of neighborhood bar populated with mostly peroxide divorcees and sad insurance salesman types desperately trying to cheat on their obese, teased banged wives. But with nothing to do and the gas tank running on E, we, acting as Julius Caesar, crossed the Rubicon into the world of Karaoke.

We didn't know it was a Karaoke bar, but it didn't take long when we were greeted by a monotoned rendition of Free Bird sang by Hawaiian-shirt Larry. "Shit!!!"

After ordering a $2.75 gin and tonic, always the sign of quality, and surveying the patrons, we quickly learned that Mexicans love Karaoke. Eight out of ten people in there had a surname ending in z. Being a Karaoke virgin, and with the name and all, we figured Asians pretty much had a corner on the market but no.

We stayed for five songs, and if you'd have asked us to pick five songs that would be sung at a trash Karaoke bar prior to our adventure we probably would have gotten all five:

Freebird - Skynyrd
Some Nickleback thing
The Joker - Steve Miller
Simple Man - Skynyrd
Baby Got Back - Sir Mix-a-lot

Each was sung by a dude, or dudes, and what struck us the most was how prepared they were. Not only did they not need the words projected on the big screen, because they knew them all, but most of these gentleman had worked in some choreography. The two clowns that tag-teamed The Joker, worked in spins and (actually a pretty incredible) microphone toss. More than the showmanship, what drew the most ire from us however was the witty banter they through in to keep their adoring fans entertained. Because really, during guitar solos there's not a lot to do when there isn't an actual guitar. So these fucks were actually dropping lines like, "How ya'll doin tonight, don;t forget to tip your waitress...(eye wink)" and of course the eyes closed, fist clinched, "Oh yeah..." With his Blue Tooth ear piece blinking(because of course this fuck needs to be able to take all his Saturday night calls hands free), when Baby Got Back Guy got upset after the "white boys" failed to "shout" loud enough for his liking, we lost it and had to go.

If you've sung Karaoke before, and it wasn't while being held at gun point by the Khmer Rouge, then please stop reading this blog.